Journals16
Newest
What was I thinking?
1 min read
I hereby profusely apologise for all the morbid shit i have posted on deviantart over the past decades or whatever. I have a new life now and although i continue to write i no longer feel the need to mope.
Maybe someday when i have a reason to mope again, i will- but for the moment im good.
Have a nice day, fans.
Maybe someday when i have a reason to mope again, i will- but for the moment im good.
Have a nice day, fans.
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My new life
1 min read
Well im halfway through my first year of university. Im cumming English literature. 78%. That reads funny. I work and live part-time at Bohemia. I spend over R900 in a month on petrol, food and cigarettes.
My life is almost perfect now. My new friends are the best i've ever had and i have more of them than i ever imagined i would have.
I've undergone huge changes and gone through various phases since the start of 2006. I blame Charlie.
Marike and Fred:
I'm sorry i've been neglecting you guys. I miss you and I really would like to see both of you again soon. There are some things i need to sort out before i can talk to you again. I wont take long.
My life is almost perfect now. My new friends are the best i've ever had and i have more of them than i ever imagined i would have.
I've undergone huge changes and gone through various phases since the start of 2006. I blame Charlie.
Marike and Fred:
I'm sorry i've been neglecting you guys. I miss you and I really would like to see both of you again soon. There are some things i need to sort out before i can talk to you again. I wont take long.
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Final exams..
2 min read
Well well well.. I have 4 papers left in total.. Then its off to stellies..off to Stilbay for Christmas and off to Theewaterskloof for New Years.. Im getting my car in the holidays..it'll probably be that seductive little ford anglia..or a piece of shit opel or toyota.. Pooh..
I have so much to look forward to.
Mystics! Words cannot express my love for that little place.. Most people are unaware that a joint can successfully be smoked in there without any problems. The drum&bass nights and live freestyle shows..they make jelly out of my knees..
Theewaters.. Mushrooms,pot and 4 days of non-stop insanity. Loud music, good friends, the dam, copious amounts of alcohol and bonfires that never die. I want it to be December 30th!
On a more sour note..
My friends have deserted me. I didnt see it coming but i guess i should have.
My best highschool friend has practically forgotten about my existence for almost a month now. He's joined the ranks of the 'jocks' who are all really nice people..nice elitist people who smoke too much pot and have too much money and too many sidefucks to keep track of.
My other friends are still alright but they just dont mean much to me anymore. I dont know why. I feel like I have changed and no longer want to be associated with them, not because im too good for them but simply because i want to be alone more.
I've had a very heavy year..The ratio of partying to working would have averaged at about 5:1
I feel like I need something new in my life, something exciting to pursue. I've started surfing again..well..i had my first surf of the summer, to be honest. I started working on some new poetry. I increased my weights. I snapped a string on my guitar so I guess i had to find something new to keep me occupied. Im too lazy to buy new strings for my bass..they're all oxidised and filthy.
What i really need is a holiday, a car and a new social sphere.
I cant wait for change. Apocalypse..Graduation..Death.. Who knows.. As long as something pops up soon. Im restless.
I resent examinations.
I have so much to look forward to.
Mystics! Words cannot express my love for that little place.. Most people are unaware that a joint can successfully be smoked in there without any problems. The drum&bass nights and live freestyle shows..they make jelly out of my knees..
Theewaters.. Mushrooms,pot and 4 days of non-stop insanity. Loud music, good friends, the dam, copious amounts of alcohol and bonfires that never die. I want it to be December 30th!
On a more sour note..
My friends have deserted me. I didnt see it coming but i guess i should have.
My best highschool friend has practically forgotten about my existence for almost a month now. He's joined the ranks of the 'jocks' who are all really nice people..nice elitist people who smoke too much pot and have too much money and too many sidefucks to keep track of.
My other friends are still alright but they just dont mean much to me anymore. I dont know why. I feel like I have changed and no longer want to be associated with them, not because im too good for them but simply because i want to be alone more.
I've had a very heavy year..The ratio of partying to working would have averaged at about 5:1
I feel like I need something new in my life, something exciting to pursue. I've started surfing again..well..i had my first surf of the summer, to be honest. I started working on some new poetry. I increased my weights. I snapped a string on my guitar so I guess i had to find something new to keep me occupied. Im too lazy to buy new strings for my bass..they're all oxidised and filthy.
What i really need is a holiday, a car and a new social sphere.
I cant wait for change. Apocalypse..Graduation..Death.. Who knows.. As long as something pops up soon. Im restless.
I resent examinations.
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Erasure
1 min read
Sorry i couldnt resist writing this short little journal entry just to get rid of the one that was exhibited here before.. I grew sick of it because i dont agree with it anymore. Im an idiot.
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Change
4 min read
I dont know where to start. Big changes seem to be happening in my life-or they want to happen,anyway.
I sometimes smoke pot, I smoke cigarettes as if i were the devil, I drink strong liqour whenever the occasion arises and I call myself a Christian, encouraging people to take the 'road less trod'. Im a hipocrite and I want to change my ways. I feel divided between opposite poles, friends at the one- and friends at the other.
My friends at the bad pole are the ones who who stand by me through thick and thin, who share my pains and laugh with me,share good times with me and essentially make my life worth living. They dont constantly change and leave me standing alone. We live our lives like rotten fucking bastards but we're good inside, while others are good on the outside.
My other friends, at the 'good' pole are really great people who care for others and try to change the world for the better,one person at a time. They live their lives the good way. They live pure lives,today,because the bible has told them to do so. They live pure lives but they're lonely inside. Their linear train of thought makes them tell the world "This is how you should live your life. If you fail to comply, you are a failure in the eyes of your God".
I'd have been one of them if i were in their social sphere but thats a whole different chapter.
Should a model Christian not set an example that can attract others and give them hope? I think so.
The Christian denomination that my friends have adopted and preach with such devotion is one that is based on principles that separate its followers from the rest of society almost completely. Many global cultural norms and habits are dismissed as unacceptable and a 'new way' is introduced, of which the cornerstone principles are highly unattractive to the average outsider looking in. My point is that Seventh Day Adventism is a rather fanatical approach towards Christianity. SDA Christians believe, for example, that one may not eat pig meat, may consume no alcohol whatsoever- irrespective of occasion..and my favourite..They may do nothing at all on the Sabbath,which they have on the Saturday. My SDA friend warned me against studying for a final-year June exam on a Saturday and I was standing there,shuffling my feet, going "um..uhh.. I dunno dude, i dont want to disobey the Bible but ill have to study on the odd saturday to get into university". Can one really go through life doing NOTHING each friday night until Saturday night?
I know that the Sabbath is on Saturday so im not arguing with that but im showing my readers another reason why the SDA denomination is highly unattractive to outsiders and why I believe that when teaching the word of God, people should take a lighter approach so as not to overwhelm, because as i have seen..adopting S.D. Adventism as one's faith is going to be an overwhelming, life-altering experience and a forceful approach will get you nowhere and will estrange from your slightly-less-than-perfect friends.
I have created interest in the bible in some friends over the years,without telling them its the only way not to burn the fuck up in hell. I believe there's a way to the Kingdom that combines emotional devotion to God with enjoyment of life. If such a way exists, is it not a more viable option for humankind?
Finally,just to clear some things up:
My ironic psychological victory..
I love smoking cigarettes and I'd be a hipocrite to pretend i dont, but i do intend on quitting in the near future.
Unresolved matters in my life have me in a seemingly spiteful gridlock and so I lie in placid wait for a manifestation of Change herself, before i surrender.
I sometimes smoke pot, I smoke cigarettes as if i were the devil, I drink strong liqour whenever the occasion arises and I call myself a Christian, encouraging people to take the 'road less trod'. Im a hipocrite and I want to change my ways. I feel divided between opposite poles, friends at the one- and friends at the other.
My friends at the bad pole are the ones who who stand by me through thick and thin, who share my pains and laugh with me,share good times with me and essentially make my life worth living. They dont constantly change and leave me standing alone. We live our lives like rotten fucking bastards but we're good inside, while others are good on the outside.
My other friends, at the 'good' pole are really great people who care for others and try to change the world for the better,one person at a time. They live their lives the good way. They live pure lives,today,because the bible has told them to do so. They live pure lives but they're lonely inside. Their linear train of thought makes them tell the world "This is how you should live your life. If you fail to comply, you are a failure in the eyes of your God".
I'd have been one of them if i were in their social sphere but thats a whole different chapter.
Should a model Christian not set an example that can attract others and give them hope? I think so.
The Christian denomination that my friends have adopted and preach with such devotion is one that is based on principles that separate its followers from the rest of society almost completely. Many global cultural norms and habits are dismissed as unacceptable and a 'new way' is introduced, of which the cornerstone principles are highly unattractive to the average outsider looking in. My point is that Seventh Day Adventism is a rather fanatical approach towards Christianity. SDA Christians believe, for example, that one may not eat pig meat, may consume no alcohol whatsoever- irrespective of occasion..and my favourite..They may do nothing at all on the Sabbath,which they have on the Saturday. My SDA friend warned me against studying for a final-year June exam on a Saturday and I was standing there,shuffling my feet, going "um..uhh.. I dunno dude, i dont want to disobey the Bible but ill have to study on the odd saturday to get into university". Can one really go through life doing NOTHING each friday night until Saturday night?
I know that the Sabbath is on Saturday so im not arguing with that but im showing my readers another reason why the SDA denomination is highly unattractive to outsiders and why I believe that when teaching the word of God, people should take a lighter approach so as not to overwhelm, because as i have seen..adopting S.D. Adventism as one's faith is going to be an overwhelming, life-altering experience and a forceful approach will get you nowhere and will estrange from your slightly-less-than-perfect friends.
I have created interest in the bible in some friends over the years,without telling them its the only way not to burn the fuck up in hell. I believe there's a way to the Kingdom that combines emotional devotion to God with enjoyment of life. If such a way exists, is it not a more viable option for humankind?
Finally,just to clear some things up:
My ironic psychological victory..
I love smoking cigarettes and I'd be a hipocrite to pretend i dont, but i do intend on quitting in the near future.
Unresolved matters in my life have me in a seemingly spiteful gridlock and so I lie in placid wait for a manifestation of Change herself, before i surrender.
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